The Answer is 42

Photo by Leo Reynolds on Flickr

Photo by Leo Reynolds on Flickr

But what’s the question?  Fans of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy will know that it’s the meaning of life, the universe and everything.  But on Sunday, March 8th, 42 happens to be the next mile-marker on my own personal odometer.  (Coincidentally, I just found out that March 8th was also the date that Hitchhiker’s radio broadcast premiere 31 years ago – oh, the cosmic implications!)

I plan on taking a birthday break from blogging by spending the weekend gazing at palm trees, so I came up with a different and unusual way for my friends to wish me a “Happy Birthday” greeting.  After all, my friends are different and unusual.  Since you all also have a wonderful sense of humor, I do hope you’ll join in by posting a comment about THE BEST TIME WE NEVER HAD.  That’s right – your best fictional memory of our fun.  For those of you that think I’ve lost my mind along with my youth, let me explain…

I’m borrowing this idea from another blog I read called Darwin Catholic.  For the last few years, she has celebrated her birthday by asking for “completely made up and fictional” memories.  And the results are pretty funny.  Since my friends’ humor IQs tip the scales, I thought this would be a unique challenge.  (I’m counting on Thomas, Joe S., Killa, Jasia, MO, and various members of the Bucs clan at a minimum!)  Come on, give the old gal a laugh while I’m sipping pina coladas on the beach!


11 thoughts on “The Answer is 42

  1. Greetings & Salutations!
    To be or not to be 42, what was the question??
    After years of eloquent deviousness, Donna has challenged us to write her a birthday farce, so here’s what I came up with over my lunch break, see if you can separate the fact from the fiction.
    Once upon a time, Donna & Kathy thought it would be fun to drive to Penn’s Grove NJ. We found it to be a beautiful oasis with a lovely sandy beach encircled by palm trees. We were then waited on by Penn’s Grove’s own Bruce Willis, dressed in his finest Hawaiian attire. As we sipped our Seagram’s Golden Wine Coolers, Bruce played his harmonica for us. Later that evening, we set out for a favorite pizza place for dinner. Of course, it wasn’t just the two of us , we were accompanied by Admiral Kirk and Captain Spock. After a fascinating evening discussing astrophysics and the cosmic ramifications of the number 42, we returned to our luxury hotel where Donna was heard to say:

    “Give me my robe, put on my birthday crown; I have
    Chocolate cake longings in me! “

    To which Kathy toasted:
    “ To our salad days,
    When I was green in judgment (aka hungover), cold in blood,
    To say as I said then!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONNA! Don’t panic, you’re 42:)

  2. I’ll never forget the time that Donna and I went to Rodeo Jack’s and rode on the mechanical bull. I didn’t want to go out that night because I had to get up the next morning and go to church but Donna talked me into having a drink. Well after those shots of Jose Cuervo, Donna was ready to ride. She put “the glove” on one hand. You need the other hand to wave around in the air while you are on the bull. I could tell that she had done this before. She beat the buzzers and gracefully dismounted, waving to her adoring fans. She handed me “the glove” and said, “Ride ’em cowboy”. I managed to stay vertical for about 3 seconds after which I was simply hanging on for dear life. I clung to the rope, dug in and proceeded to have my ass handed to me by a make believe bull in front of hundreds of strangers. I didn’t feel like a cowboy anymore. Next time we are going play on my turf – dancing in the frozen food aisle at the local grocery store.


  3. Ah, Donna, Donna, Donna! For me to be as young as you! How could a fictional birthday possibly top the real thing – you in PR sipping pina colodas being waited on hand-and-foot by a handsome cabana man. What more could a woman ask for on her 42nd birthday (or any birthday for that matter)! Enjoy this reality because it is far more precious then any fiction! Much love to you, my “little” sister! Happy 42nd Birthday!

  4. We’d been sent to cover a little conflict in the Mideast, Donner and I. Two different newspapers, but from the same perspective. No guts no glory and we were both in it for the glory. That and the cover of Time, Newsweek, and an evening with Larry King.

    It had started in this seedy little outdoor excuse for a watering hole. No drinks with umbrellas for us. No, we were hardened (make that crusty) journalists, and rock gut had been the making of many a journalist. So we drank the rock gut. The first one tasted like the inside of a dirty toilet, but by the sixth they were beginning to grow on us. Well something was growing on us. God, was that hair on our chests.

    It was midnight and still 112 degrees. Five short hours before we were to take off in an air conditioned tank, one each. Just us and four sweaty men in uniform. It couldn’t be all bad, and we would be the first. The first women to be embedded with the troops in an armed conflict.

    We dragged our sorry butts back to our rooms. What a dump! The newspapers had sprung for deluxe accommodations. Donner was packin’ an AK47 for shooting the cockroaches off the ceiling. She never missed. The rancid corpses of yesterday’s cockroaches littered the floor, that and chunks of the ceiling.

    Donner had left the TV on. From the tiny black black box Gene Kelly was Singin’ In The Rain. Yes, singing twenty-four hours a day, continuous loop, on the local station. Donner didn’t seem to mind.

    I said goodnight and headed for my room to get what little sleep I could in the time left. It had been a great night! The best! I dozed off to the sounds of gunfire from Donner’s room.

    The next thing I heard was that annoying demanding ringing noise. Damn, the alarm already!

    I banged on Donner’s door (blog). Wake up Donner, it’s your birthday wish!

    Happy Birthday from Killa.

  5. Dear Mother Superior,

    How do you solve a problem like bailing Sister Donna Matrix out of jail?

    First, I want to confess that going out for a night of “living” was not my idea. You simply said to tag-along with Sisters Bea Attitude and Delta Goodhand as they went out to dinner for Donna’s birthday. And so I did.

    Second, how was I to know she wasn’t going to wear her habit? No one told me it was Casual Friday and didn’t I feel like a fool! But at least I was dressed decent – not like Sister Donna. She looked like someone’s slutty grandmother from Boca Raton – it was an outfit only a “woman of a certain age” would wear to Unlimited Shrimp Night at Red Lobster in the hopes that she could eat all she wanted and still get noticed by Original-Teeth Jim.

    Third, I had no idea that was a police officer. Nor did Sister Donna. We had stopped at In N Out Burger, not far from the best little convent in Texas, and we were eating while parked in the Rambler (the one with the bumper sticker that says “Honk if you live in quiet desperation” not the “Kiss me, I’m a nun” sticker). Sister Bea swore she saw a Peeping Tom in the bushes so I told Sister Donna, “Show him your cross!” So Sister Donna said, “Stop or I’ll shoot your _____s off!” and in front of her was a gun! A nun with a gun!

    Fourth, the police officer in the bushes didn’t think it was funny, obviously. He also thought we were coming home from some fancy dress ball, since I, of course, still had my nun drag on (again, no one told me).

    So there you have it Mother. I was finally able to convince the guard at the jail that I was truly one of the Holy Sisters so she let me write this missive which I hope finds its way to you in time. If you can’t rustle up the money for bail, please contact one Sheri Fenley – I’ve been told she still has some “get out of jail” free cards or something like that.

    Yours truly,

    Sister Bridgette of Madison County

  6. Dear Mother Superior,

    Just wanted to let you know that I have received your request for help.

    What Sister Bridget failed to mention was that they had been with me earlier that evening at Jack’s Rodeo Bar and Grill. You’d have been proud of the way Sister Donna held on to that mechanical bull. Sure, she was dressed like a slutty grandmother, but man oh man, she can ride like a cowboy!

    When Sister Bridget finished her 6th glass of wine, she gave it a go as well. Like me, she had her ass handed to her by that bull also.

    It’s because I am a good Catholic girl, I am enclosing 3 “Get out of Hell Free” cards for you to use as you see fit.

    Praise the Lord, that the Pope has sanction the use of “indulgencies” once again for those of us who have a hard time following the rules.

    Hugs and Kisses to all the Sista’s back home.

  7. I do remember the significance of 42, and I’m glad I didn’t come here to say “Goodbye and thanks for all the fish”. Rather, I come not to deify, but to sanctify this day and wish you a very Happy 42nd birthday. Sheesh, what a young whipper snapper. 😉

  8. Ahhh, youth. At 42 I could still see without $500 glasses. But then, I no longer see all those dust bunnies collecting in the corners or the peeling paint or deepening wrinkles. Hmmmm. Getting older is a bitch because????

  9. What a grand day we had on your 24th birthday puffing up the Grouse Grind, on Grouse Mountain, near beautiful Vancouver, BC, Canada. Never mind how long it took us or how many rest stops we took. Just remember the admiring looks at our outfits!

    Of course, we took the gondola down – no sense wasting all our energy getting fit – but then, remember, we put on our silver dancing shoes and headed off to the Gastown clubs for the night. Those were the days, eh?

    Happy 42nd!

  10. Donna, remember that time when we were strolling down the beach at Point Pleasant, NJ in our bikinis and that really hunky guy came up and put the moves on us? I was thinking we were real hotties to attract such a movie-star-handsome stud until he opened up his mouth and said I looked too good to be your mother. I was so mortified! Geez, I mean I’m only 10 years older than you!

    But oh man, you gave him his just desserts when you clocked him with your beach bag! I still remember laughing so hard I felt like I was going to be ill. You are my champion Donna!

    The best part of that day though was when I dared you to get a tattoo of the Polish Eagle on your ankle and you waltzed right in to the tatt parlor and said, “I will if you will!” We both walked out with matching Polish flags on one ankle and Polish eagles on the other. What a pair we were… a pair of Polish princesses!

    We fit right in when we went to dinner at the Polish Palace on the beach. Pierogi, kielbasa, kapusta, and nalishniki… what a feast! And toasted with good Polish vodka of course! Absolutely divine!

    Sto Lat moja Polska siostra!

    Happy birthday Donna and many happy returns!

  11. Hi, Everyone, I’m back from fun in the sun. Thanks so much for participating in my little creative challenge. And wow, you guys are awesome in the creativity department! It’s like you were competing to see who could get me to laugh so hard that I had pina coladas coming out of my nose 😀

    Kathy, Nice try, but didn’t that all happen? I mean, I seem to remember events unfolding exactly as you say…except, of course, for the OBVIOUSLY fictional part – palm trees in New Jersey!

    Sheri, You’re one wild and crazy chick! Love it!

    Dawn, You’re right, as usual 😉

    Killa, Hmmm…it *could* happen. I have no fear of using an AK-47, but I am terrified of cockroaches. LOL

    Thomas, aka Sr Bridgette. I knew your wit would not disappoint! You’re one wild and crazy chick just like Sheri 😉 I really did choke on a Corona at the “slutty grandmother … Original Teeth Jim” line. O.M.G.

    Mother Superior, Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!

    Carol, thanks! Another Adams fan!

    Denise, getting older is a bitch but as long as you hang out with people older than you, you’ll always feel young. 😉

    Diane, I don’t think I’d be dancing after the Grouse Grind! I may “only” be 42, but I might require CPR by the end if I don’t get in better shape!

    Jasia, my Polish princess – LOL! Great one! I DEFINITELY will if you will. 😉

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