What Are They Looking For?

Sometimes we need a little humor in our blogging – especially after reading the latest edition of the COG and learning that all of us were this close to having our ancestry wiped out before we could even be born.  I haven’t written a strictly humorous post in a while with the exception of my monthly guest appearances at Shades of the Departed.  But it’s easy to find humor in the sheer act of blogging.  We’ve seen a number of talented genea-bloggers take a break from their genealogical articles to write about the hysterical nature of those words we have to use for comment verification on each other’s blogs.  But today I’d like to share one thing about this blog that has made me laugh recently, and it involves my “statistics”.

I’ve used Google Analytics on other blogs, and I love the features that allow you to find out everything about your visitors.  I mean everything – where they are from, how long they visited, what they looked at, and if they washed their hands before they left.  Well, maybe not that last one, but I bet those folks at Google are working on it.  I was disappointed that I can’t use Analytics on What’s Past is Prologue – you see, I’m too cheap to host the blog myself, so I’m using the free version.  And with the free version, Google Analytics is verboten.  But WordPress does give us economical folks a version of it.  Sort of.  It would be like calling a gumdrop a version of an ice cream sundae.  They are both desserts of sorts, but, ah, different!

One thing my cheapy free version of statistics gives me is the “search terms” that visitors are searching for when they unexpectedly land here.  I’ve gotten many laughs in recent months over these terms, and I’ve also scratched my head in bewilderment.  Wait, someone is searching for that? And the search engine points them to my blog?  I’m not sure if I should be offended or grateful for the free traffic.  “Hey, I can’t help you with that, but if you want to stay a while maybe I can interest you in something else…”  Here are some of the best of the strange, odd, and downright scary search terms that have directed folks to What’s Past is Prologue – with my comments, of course.   Note: These terms are all actual search terms as reported to me by WordPress! Let’s call it the 1st Edition of the Carnival of Strange Search Terms!


first communion photography tempest – The first 3 words I can understand – after all, I’ve shown many photos here including my father’s first communion.  And we all know what play the title of this blog comes from.  What I can’t fathom is what it means when you combine the terms together.  That must have been quite the stormy event!

what is an aunt – Seriously?  My 4-year-old niece already understands why I am called “Aunt Donna” and the lady across the street is not.

can’t find my marriage licenese – Note: It’s probably not here either.

piontkowski murder mystery – You’ve got my attention!  Just when I thought my great-grandfather was mysterious enough, now I have to wonder if there’s a murder mystery to solve, too.

rust genealogy – Father: Iron, Mother: Oxygen, Baby Rust born under the sign of Aquarius.


William Shakespeare’s marriage photos – I had no idea photography went back that far!

shakespear prologue car – Apparently automobiles are older than I thought as well.

squinny shakespeare – I have no idea what it means, but I’d love the answer to this one myself.


carnival themed wedding – Really?  Someone would actually do that?

wedding prosthesis – I don’t think I want to know.  Should this be in the “Kinky” category below?

stories of fraud marriage(2008-2009) – I sense a story here, and some slight hostility in the searcher.


plain girl pictures – Hey!  I think I’m insulted.

ugliest ballet tutu – I know what page this would have brought them to, but I want to know why you’re searching for it!

ugly women facesHEY! They must be mistaken, for this search term surely wouldn’t lead to the page with my photo on it!

impossible to pronounce polish name – Really, “Pointkouski” isn’t THAT hard.


what do houses of nj look like – Ours look like houses that the rest of the country lives in.  Really.

what’s in my soul – If you found the answer here, please let me know so I can market it.

why can’t humans live past 200 years old – We can live to 200?

what.section.of.phila.do.irish.live – we.let.them.live.anywhere.they.want.

what to do after a blizzard hits – Shovel.

six months two weeks one day and an hour – Equals the amount of time it would take me to figure out how this would lead here.


show me beautifull teady beer photos – How about if I show you a dictionary instead?

list of monks at west thornton in1880 – And this led you here because…?

hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy tattoos – Don’t panic, but the answer’s not here.

2009 meteor showers camping ground phila – You’ve obviously never been to Philadelphia if you believe you can see meteor showers here.  There’s so much light pollution, I don’t need any outside lights over here on the other side of the river – I can see just fine from the humid glow across the way.


kitten and cockatiel co-habiting – LOL – That should be a sitcom.

three flexible sisters from the 1920s – I can’t even imagine what the searcher was looking for.  Well, I can imagine, but why would I want to?

2 ugly transvestites – That would be my description of my dad and his comedic buddy, but, excuse me, you’re not only looking for transvestites, but ugly ones?

naked paternal grandmother – Eeeeewwww!  Specifically wrong on so many levels.

schoolboys at crossdressing – I’ll second that eeeewwww and raise you a pedophile alert.

Bavarian naked women – The searcher was sorely disappointed in whatever page they were led to!

So there you have it!  The next edition of this search term carnival will include more bizarre, freakish, and unusual ways that bring me more traffic!  If you’re a geneablogger, do you encounter these strange and unusual researchers?  Tell me about your best search terms!  Until next time, I remain the Queen of Ugly Teady Beer Shakespearean Transvestite Marriage Photos.

9 thoughts on “What Are They Looking For?

  1. Love it! Coincidentally I was just looking at my own webstats and search terms for July for my geneasite, but there was nothing remotely as entertaining as these gems – now I feel left out!

  2. Wonderful post, Donna!
    I really needed a laugh this morning too. I think that ‘plain girl pictures’ person is my faithful reader too. No ‘teady beer’ though or Shakespeare either…odd.

  3. Oh these are a real hoot Donna! My favorite is “list of monks at west thornton in1880”. Somebody had to be doing some heavy drinking to come up with that beauty.

    It does make you wonder just what the heck people are looking for. Obviously there is a great need for more books and online instruction for using Google search.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  4. I must have an incredibly boring blog. I’ve had a look at the list of several hundred search terms on my Google Analytics toolbar, and can find very few that are even remotely amusing. 😦 Thanks for the good laugh, Donna. Regards and best wishes, Brett

  5. This was so funny! You inspired me, I signed up for google analytics and already am pondering some of the strange search terms! Thanks for sharing this!

  6. These are great! One way to find out where people ended up is to run the same search. You can add the site: command and that will narrow it down. Sometimes searches lead to comments or rss widgets and when you try to recreate them the text is no longer there. Now I have to go check my keywords…

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